


Honest Man

by Ineed_coffee13



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Ben Platt song, Emotions, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Richie tozier is also a mess, Stanley Uris is a Mess, and Richie getting Stan to open up, i don't know how to tag, it's a mess, its basically just Stan being scared of his feelings, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24531700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ineed_coffee13/pseuds/Ineed_coffee13
Summary: loosely Based on the song "Honest Man" by Ben Platt, Stan is having a hard time coming to terms with his feelings. Richie has a feeling Stan feels the same way, and just wants Stan to know he cares. Richie needs to find a way to let Stan know it's ok to tell him how he feels, but doesn't want to be overwhelming or wrong about the whole situation. and Stan just wants to finally get it over with whether  Richie likes him back or not. they basically both want the same thing but Stan is too busy trying to hide everything while Richie just wanted Stan to feel safe and loved. it's a mess, and everyone is driving themselves insane, but y'know...
Relationships: Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	1. what the fuck is wrong with me?

**Author's Note:**

> I understand this song means different things to different people and I hope my take on it doesn't upset anyone or anything. I just love the song and think it's a beautiful message even if it means something different to me than it does to you. so I hope you like this little Stozier thing about being ok with your feelings.... ok I'll stop talking now.

As kids, Stan was always really shy. Richie remembers going up to him on the playground in the first grade. Stan didn’t have any friends at the time. Richie hopped onto the swing next to Stan and just started talking to him as if they already knew each other. Stan liked the company. He didn’t talk to Richie the whole time, but his quiet smile showed that he didn’t want Richie to leave. 

The next day, Richie did the same thing. He kept doing it all week until he finally made Stan burst into laughter. Then Stan finally decided to introduce himself, and he could tell Richie was ecstatic. 

After that, Stan met Eddie and Bill, and the losers club just grew. Now, with the seven losers by his side during high school, he can’t even imagine what his life would have been like if Richie hadn’t taken a chance on the little, shy, Jewish tater that he was. 

*

Stan sat alone in the clubhouse after everyone had already left. He didn’t feel like going home right now, after all it was only mid afternoon.

He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. He heard the slight ruffling of his weird little shower cap as his head rested back. 

Richie was the last to leave. Before he left, he had noticed Stan was really quiet. He hadn’t said a word to him that whole day. When the rest of the losers had left, Richie had asked Stan what was wrong and Stan exploded. Saying nothing was wrong and to just leave him alone. Richie felt really awkward after that so he just said “gosh, who pissed in  _ your  _ cereal?” and then left. 

Stan sighed. “Jesus Stan. what was that?” he muttered to himself.

He’d just yelled at his best friend for literally asking if he was okay. Why the fuck didn’t he have the balls to just tell Richie. Stan had had a huge crush on Richie since the eighth grade, maybe earlier. All the way until now (grade 11) he had just been holding it all in. but he really didn’t want to, it was just so hard to find the confidence. He wanted to tell Richie how he felt. He wanted to stop being afraid, and losing his shit when it got too much. He wanted to tell Richie, and for Richie to say the same. He wanted to hold Richie's hand while they watched horror movies in Stan’s basement. He wanted to kiss- “no! Why the fuck am I thinking about this? Richie doesn’t feel that way. Just fucking get over it Stan. get over it.” Stan felt a small sting behind his eyes. It took all of the power left in him not to burst into tears. He was so tired of having to hide behind his own fear. 

He slid down the wall and sat on the dirt, his knees to his chest. There was a lump in his throat the size of a frog. He held back his tears with all he had, causing a small whimper to escape from his mouth. He held his eyes shut tight. “What the fuck is wrong with me?” 


	2. but Stan's not gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie thinks about what just happened. he wonders if his thoughts get out of hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if anyone actually decided to keep reading after the first chapter but if you're still here, thanks! it's a short one so I apologize, but I hope you like it. if it sucks, just tell me to make the third one better... or just leave, it's ok. anyway, here's the chapter.

“Gosh, who pissed in  _ your _ cereal?” Richie could feel himself turning red. He knew he should have just left Stan alone, but he had this feeling like Stan was a water tank about to burst. Like Stan looked as if he wanted to say something but just kept holding it in. 

Richie decided to leave it. Stan almost looked like he could cry. Richie turned and climbed up the ladder. He wanted to say something, but for once, he didn’t have the right words. Not even another joke.

As Richie biked home in the hot afternoon sun, he wondered more and more about what had just happened. Stan was usually a calm person, only talking to strangers when necessary, not really getting angry. Richie knew Stan well enough to know that when Stan lashed out or yelled, he was either scared, embarrassed, or really sad. 

What Richie didn’t know was that Stan was all three, and many more. 

Richie could feel sweat building up on his forehead. He ignored it. He was too busy wondering what had made Stan so irritable earlier. Some of the times Stan was like that was when there was trouble at home, but Stan is usually pretty open about it. After all, if there was trouble at home, he could just go to the losers.

It looked like there was something Stan didn’t feel comfortable going to the losers for. That worried Richie. Every day since they all met, their bond has just grown. They share everything from cool new comics, to shitty parents. Why did Stan feel like he had to hide something.

Richie wondered if there was anything even  _ he _ felt like he had to hide from the losers. He honestly couldn’t think of anything important enough to make him angry or worried. Not like Stan looked.

Well… nothing but being gay.  _ But… Stan’s not gay.  _ And plus, now that Richie thought about it, Stan had looked pretty ok talking with the others. It was just Richie that Stan was ignoring. 

Richie wondered if maybe-

_ No. nope. That’s gross Richie. Stop thinking like that. Stan couldn’t like you like that.  _ He was astonished that he could jump to such a conclusion. He wished it weren’t such a crazy thought. He wished there might be a chance that Stan could-

_ Jesus Richie! Shut up. Shut. up. Now.  _ Richie shook his head quickly and looked up to see that he was home. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for making it this far! I'm super open to suggestions and constructive criticism too, so please tell me if I suck so I can try to make my writing better... thanks for reading though!!!


	3. normal people don't fall into sidewalks... and bleed all over them.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I dunno, Stan just thinks about being a bird and then wishes he hadn't fallen into a metaphorical sidewalk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a super messy chapter but I'm getting ideas for the rest of the story... I think. 
> 
> enjoy?

Stan stayed sitting alone in the club house for a while. He just sat there, feeling his tears dry onto his face, and his heart rate slowly go down. Then he was just sitting in the silence. It was so quiet except for the chirping of birds and the rustling of squirrels in the bushes. Stan thought about how those animals just lived their lives. They had routine, and structure. They had plans and meaning. He wished he was a bird. Maybe a little bluejay. Or a beautiful peacock. He wished he could walk around and instantly attract another bird by screaming some sonsense. He wished he could be admired by people, and not judged.

Being a bird wasn’t really something he could do though. So he settled with being really fucking confused, which he hated. 

He opened his eyes and looked around the clubhouse. He’d spent so much time there. He’d sat beside Richie, his heart beating fast, Richie having no clue how Stan felt. He’d watched Beverly and Ben slowly fall in love. No trouble. No shame. He’d told stories. Funny things he’d seen while walking down the street. Funny people. Now he felt like one of those funny people. 

Now he felt bad. He’d laughed at people across the street who looked weird. Or who fell onto their faces. But he was weird too. Now he was that kid who fell on his face and bled all over the sidewalk across the street from the arcade. But the sidewalk was Richie. Stan fell right into loving Richie. And he came out of it with a bloody nose. But the bloody nose was a broken heart. Because he was too scared to be ok with falling. Instead, he was embarrassed. He was embarrassed that he fell. Because normal people don’t just fall into sidewalks. Just weird kids. Like Stan. 

why couldn’t he have just watched his step when he was born. Why couldn’t he have just walked along the sidewalk like a normal kid. Why did he have to fucking trip. And why won’t the bleeding stop? Why can’t he stop loving Richie. Why did he have to stomp all over the sidewalk when he fell, instead of just being ok with the sidewalk.

Finally, the sun began to set. He hadn’t realized how long he had been sitting there contemplating his existence until he looked up and the sun was no longer shining through the cracks in the door of the clubhouse. He got up and wiped away the rest of his tears. They were mostly just dried now, but he wiped his cheeks anyway.

He biked home slowly. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol what a mess.
> 
> (the chapter... not Stan... but kind of Stan...)


	4. popcorn ceiling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie stares at his ceiling and thinks a lot... that's it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gosh, how are you still here?
> 
> ...thank you!

Richie dropped his bike on the side of his house and didn’t even watch long enough to see it slowly sink into a pile of the neighbor’s dog’s feces. Kind of like how Richie’s heart was doing the same when he thought about Stan. 

He ran up to his room without saying anything to his mother, and flopped onto his bed. He stared at the ceiling. It was popcorn ceiling, so when the light is low and you stare at it for too long, your eyes go a little insane. That is exactly what he did. 

He had three questions on his mind. 

One: why did Stan get so angry and why wasn’t he talking to Richie all day

Two: does Stan feel the same way

Three: Richie really fucking wants to tell Stan how he feels… ok that’s not a question, it’s just a thought that won’t fuck off.

The first question was around the front of his mind, and while the second was trying to squeeze beside the first, Richie was pushing it as far back as he could. It was around his ass by now. The third one was floating around his mind like a fuzz that you can’t catch from the air.

Richie was the only one who was shunned, and yelled at. Did he do something?

He couldn’t help but allow that other thought to take over. Did Stan like him back? The question came with another. What would happen if Richie told Stan he liked him? And why did Richie have such a strong feeling that Stan really did like him that way. 

Stan never acted this way with Richie. Even if he had something to hide, he would try to act normal. But the secret had never been about Richie. Maybe that was the difference. 

Richie wanted answers. He wondered if there was a way to get them. 

Then he shot up off his bed and ran out the door.

The person he was going to may not have all the answers, but if anyone had them, it’d be them.

“Richie where are you going? It’s almost time to eat.” He was stopped by his mom, who was standing at the bottom of the stairs wearing an apron and a confused expression. 

“I’m eating at Stans.” Jesus, what a lie. 

“Alright. Say hi to his parents for me.” she turned back to the stove she had previously been standing in front of, and went back to cooking, like Richie wasn’t even there.

“Ok.” he grabbed his bag and left, the door swinging shut after him.

  
  
  



	5. Bradley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bradley...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for anyone who is somehow still invested in this, sorry it took a while to update. I was camping and there wasn't good wifi or service to post. anyway, here's the chapter...

Stan got home and decided he wanted to do the absolute bare minimum of interaction with his family. His plan didn’t quite work out when he walked in and was greeted by some random stranger hugging his mom.

“Hey mom…” he took his shoes off and placed them perfectly aligned against the wall.

“Hey honey! How was school?” she was being awfully kind today. Cheery. She finished bear-hugging the guy, who was around Stan’s age, and pushed him a little closer to Stan, who had no clue what was going on. “Bradley is staying with us for a week while his parents are… anyways, he’ll be with you in your room! You can have a week long sleepover! How exciting!” she was smiling so wide.

Also, holy shit.  _ Bradley _ . Now Stan remembers who this kid is. It’s his cousin from Virginia. They only met once when they were like five, and Stan didn’t recognize him. He’s actually pretty good looking now. Not in a weird way, it’s just a fact. 

“Bradley! Hi..” Stan pulled a hallway smile. 

“Hey Stan. it’s nice to see you again. How have you been?” he went in for a hug and smiled genuinely. He has really good manners. Even better than Stan.

Stan didn’t enjoy the hug. “Yeah it’s nice to see you too..” it really couldn’t have mattered less. “I’ve been great.” At least Stan was good at lying. “How have you been?” couldn’t care less. 

“I’ve been…. Ok.” He picked up his bag from the floor. “I’m excited to hang out with you more!”

To Stan, when the words “hang out” came up in conversation, it was always about the Losers. Stan didn’t really want to face a certain loser right now. “Yeah. me too.” maybe this was a chance to avoid Richie. Stan knew it was wrong, but he also told himself it was wrong to like Richie that way in the first place. 

He’d had a long day. He didn’t want to deal with Bradley and his overwhelming manners, but it’s better than thinking about Richie. “Come with me, I’ll show you my room.” 

Bradley followed.

Stan wondered why the universe threw so much at him when he couldn’t handle it. He was angry at himself for feeling like that. He thought about people in the world who have so many more problems. But something in the back of his mind was trying to push to the front, telling him he was valid. He pushed it back. Far, far back. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof. what's happening.


	6. quick update

this isn't a real chapter but I just wanted to say something. I wrote the chapter but I think i"m gonna re-write it so it'll take a bit longer. I just can't get the right words and I don't want to post a crappy chapter 

so... yeah.

also I don't actually know if anyone is following this I'm just writing and posting as if that's the case....

k bye.


	7. he what?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie visits someone and receives some... news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's been like twelve million centuries since I posted...   
> this chapter is a bit all over the place in terms of being rushed and me trying to just get it right.  
> tell me in the comments if it sucks, i might re-write it. 
> 
> thank you so much if you're still reading this though, from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> thank you for still being interested!!
> 
> <3

Richie rode his bike across Derry, a thousand things swirling around in his mind. He wanted to just be there already, but he was stuck biking up a hill.

Finally, after riding up three huge hills, almost letting his glasses slip off his face, and nearly running over some old woman, he made it to his destination.

He ran up the stairs and knocked frantically at the door.

A happy, beautiful Beverly opened the door. “Richie. Hi. why are you here, you never called ahead.”

Bev likes everyone to call ahead if they can so that her dad doesn’t open the door to a sweaty high school boy. That would be interesting.

“Sorry Bev. I didn’t have time. I have to talk to you.” Richie was carrying a helpless expression. It was that, mixed with confusion, and a hint of hope. Hope for what? He didn’t know. Just hope.

“It’s ok, my dad’s at work for a while longer. Come in, what did you need to talk about?” 

“It’s a little.. Personal. Can you promise not to talk about this with the losers.” he stepped into her house, and walked all the way in with his shoes on. Stan would tell him to take them off. He walked back to the door and took them off. 

Beverly was clearly puzzled at this.

“I promise I won’t say anything. What happens at my house within the next hour or so, stays at my house.” she smiled and closed the door as they left for her room.

Richie walked in and flopped onto the floor, leaning against the bed. “So..”

Beverly sat across from him. “I’m all ears.” 

Richie smiled for a split second. Beverly is just so… Beverly. He stared at the floor… for a while.

Beverly puffed up her cheeks and waited.

Richie went red. Then, as if he had twelve seconds to live, he blurted out “I love him.” wow Richie. So smooth. She doesn’t even know who you’re talking about.

“Ok….. who?” 

Richie was still staring at the floor, picking at little pieces of wood. “Stan. I love him. And… I just… I don’t know. Is something wrong with me?”

“What?” Beverly took Richie’s hand. “Nothing’s wrong with you Richie. You love him. It doesn’t matter what other people say. Love is… love is love. Nothing could change that. Nothing’s wrong with you.” 

Richie felt a huge weight come off his shoulders. Something in his brain allowed him to believe everything Bev says. Therefore making him feel valid. “There’s something else.” 

“Ok, what is it?” their hands stayed together.

“I… I can’t help but feel like he likes me too. It sounds so stupid, Stan’s so Stan and I’m so me. And in the clubhouse today. But sometimes when he looks at me…. I just… I’m so confused.”

Beverly smiled. She tried to keep it in, but it won. 

“Why are you smiling? I just confessed all of my thoughts and feelings and you’re basically laughing at me.”

“I’m not laughing Richie. I just know something. I know that you love him. I know that he was ignoring you in the clubhouse earlier. And I know why.”

“What?” Richie’s gaze snapped up to Beverly. 

“Richie, he loves you too. He’s just too scared to say anything.”

Richie’s heartbeat sped up from 10 to 50 mph. He just stared at Beverly as she smirked lovingly at him. “He what?”

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> probably no one read this but if you made it this far and are waiting for the next chapter, I expect to have it out soon. if I take too long on any chapter it's either because I died or I didn't have the right idea to write. most likely the second one but there's always a chance of aliens abducting me...


End file.
